PSSHHT!

      Ok so when my gramps passed away (may she RIP) she left among her possessions a ghastly, wretched, scary, and "I'll drive you insane" artifact. That artifact, is most commonly know as the Air Wick Freshmatic in this case Ultra. Not only did she leave one, she left two!
    
      This little bugger is one of the most annoying things I have ever encountered and believe me when I tell you I know some pretty loud & annoying people. I'm Mexican.
  

(Photo from addictedtodaving.com)

    
    


















      You would think because I'm Mexican I'd like to have a device around that squirts Harvest Apple and Cinnamon Velvet (from the Winter Luxury Edition) scented freshener in the air every 36 minutes to make my casa not smell like frijoles but in this case? You'd be wrong.

      Oh and by the way? Did you know that it can be set to squirt every 9, 18 or 36 minutes? Oh yeah. That's right. That little machine sprays your tuchus like clockwork and may I add, It doesn't care if you're below it or standing in front of it, it will PSSHHT away and suffocate you.

      The Air Wick Freshmatic Ultra is probably one of the scariest things I have ever encountered in my home since I saw my last Tom Cruise movie. It never fails to scare the shit out of me (Like it did as I wrote this sentence. Coincidence? I think not.) and make me run away as if Terese Giudice was after me.

In the last 3 minutes I have made up my mind; I will take the Air Wick Freshmatic Ultra out by Boca Chica Beach, shoot it with a rifle and have a quite yet intimate burial. Anyone care to join?


 Good afternoon!
                           - J. Saenz